What if Being a Stranger Is Actually Your Superpower? | Better in Person
with Angela Buchdahl
12 Aug 20264 min read27m
TL;DR
Angela Buchdahl, the first Asian-American rabbi and the most famous rabbi in the world right now, argues that being a lifelong outsider — biracial in Korea, Asian in a Jewish community, a woman in a male-dominated clergy — is actually Judaism's core lesson for everyone: the 'heart of a stranger' is not a wound but a superpower of empathy, resilience, and creativity. She also defends refusing to sign any open letters, explains why fame brought a hostage negotiation to her door, and makes the case that the Sabbath — one day of radical non-production — may be Judaism's greatest gift to humanity.
Key Moments
Angela Buchdahl
“There is in every death a huge amount of awe and that awe it gives me a glimpse of the world beyond in a way that actually makes me want to live my life here better and more meaningfully.”
Buchdahl is responding to the host asking about the difficulty of conducting funerals as one of the hard parts of being a rabbi.
“He said, 'Of course I'm going back this week. He said that's what Jews do. We go back in.'”
Buchdahl is recounting Rabbi Charlie Cytron-Walker's response after the 10-hour Colleyville synagogue hostage standoff, when asked if he would return to the synagogue.
“If I were to pull back, in some ways it allows a small group of haters to win. If I'm pulling back, then I'm not choosing life.”
Buchdahl is explaining why she refuses to retreat from public life despite threats, stalkers, and being called in during the Colleyville synagogue hostage crisis.
“You feel like a stranger. So do I. Let that be the first point of human connection between us.”
Buchdahl is pitching Judaism's message to a polarized world, arguing that shared alienation — even among white Christian men — is a bridge rather than a divide.
Angela Buchdahl is the senior rabbi and cantor at Central Synagogue in New York City, and the first Asian-American to be ordained a cantor in the United States. Born in Korea to an American Jewish father and a Korean Buddhist mother, she grew up in Tacoma, Washington, and has become one of the most prominent Jewish leaders in the world. Her memoir, 'Heart of a Stranger,' is a New York Times bestseller exploring faith, identity, and belonging.
Takeaways
1
Never sign open letters if you're prominent Buchdahl made a blanket rule years ago: no open letters, ever. Her reasoning is strategic — when you're well-known, your name gets pulled from a list of 1,000 signatories and becomes the face of whatever portion of the letter you didn't fully agree with. She points out that the letter attacking Zohran Mamdani was actually cited by Cuomo in a mayoral debate, turning rabbis into electoral pawns.
2
Awe is a science with eight reliable triggers Buchdahl cites Dacher Keltner's Berkeley research across 26 countries: awe has eight consistent catalysts — nature, intellectual epiphany, art, spiritual experience, birth and death, music, collective effervescence, and, ranked first, moral beauty. Moral beauty — witnessing ordinary people do extraordinary acts of selflessness — is the most reliable source. Buchdahl argues this is literally her job description.
3
Fame as a rabbi means hostage calls, not just book deals Buchdahl was cold-called by the Colleyville synagogue gunman in 2022 because a Google search ranked her as 'chief rabbi of America' — possibly boosted by a recent Jeopardy question. The FBI was simultaneously on her other line. She now has to weigh every public action against the reality that visibility makes her and Central Synagogue a target for attacks and extortion attempts.
4
Being a stranger is a learnable superpower Buchdahl argues that the Hebrew word for 'Hebrew' literally means 'boundary crosser' — someone who knows what it feels like to be an outsider. Judaism's 3,000-year practice of turning alienation into empathy, creativity, and resilience is a transferable blueprint, not just an ethnic experience. She claims every minority group — and even majority groups who now feel displaced — can use this framework.
5
The Sabbath is a radical anti-capitalist technology Before the Torah, humans worked every single day. The Sabbath was a genuinely radical invention: one day per week where you stop producing, stop earning, and simply exist. Buchdahl and her husband adopted a phone-free Shabbat 20 years ago and credits it with holding her family together. She argues even a secular 'electronics Sabbath' captures most of the value.
6
Third opinions only emerge through genuine sparring The Jewish study practice of chevruta (partner learning) is designed to produce a third opinion that neither person could reach alone. Buchdahl argues this is why 'two Jews, three opinions' is not just a joke about stubbornness — it's a feature. The third opinion only arrives when you're willing to genuinely engage with someone who disagrees, not just confirm your own priors.
7
Israel is uniquely denied the government/people distinction Buchdahl notes that in every other country, people comfortably separate government policy from national identity — 'I hate what America is doing but Americans have a right to exist.' Israel is treated differently: criticism of the Netanyahu government collapses into a denial of the right of the Jewish state or people to exist at all. She calls this a double standard with no parallel in international discourse.