Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

Leslie Jones Returns

with Leslie Jones
27 Jul 2026 4 min read 1h 10m
TL;DR

Leslie Jones returns to roast Conan mercilessly about his Irish complexion, his inability to survive sunlight, and his laughably big childhood glasses. The episode is less interview, less insight, and almost entirely two very funny people riffing on race, reality TV, and the Irish propensity for violence. Conan's cold open on Love Island — where he concludes beautiful people on reality TV have collectively recorded maybe four steps on a Fitbit — is the sharpest cultural observation in the episode.

Key Moments
Conan O'Brien
“if they were wearing Fitbits or if they were wearing Apple watches I think each of them in a day would record maybe four steps because they sit and hang around.”
Conan describes his shock watching Love Island for the first time — not at the bodies or situations, but at how completely sedentary the contestants are.
▶ 1:57
Conan O'Brien
“I am sexually assaulted by the sun every day.”
Conan responds to Leslie mocking how badly and instantly he burns in sunlight, escalating the bit about his Irish complexion.
▶ 15:04
Leslie Jones
“I mean, you can watch. [screaming]”
After proposing she and Conan get married but clarifying she would not have sex with him, Leslie offers an alternative arrangement.
▶ 17:29
Leslie Jones
“my ideal man looks like a terrorist. He's just beard, fluff, hairy.”
Leslie describes her type after recounting how she had a screenshot of Dylan O'Brien as her phone wallpaper for three years.
▶ 21:51
Leslie Jones
“I don't want to be a detective. I wanted to be a serial killer finder.”
Leslie explains her childhood career ambition, insisting the title 'serial killer finder' is non-negotiable and requires no improvement.
▶ 27:16
About Leslie Jones
›
Leslie Jones is a comedian and former Saturday Night Live cast member known for her explosive energy and fearless humor. She has a new HGTV show called Roast My Rental and is currently touring with her standup show, the I'm Hot tour. Tickets are available at justleslie.com.
Takeaways
1
Leslie Jones wanted to be a 'serial killer finder' Jones reveals she minored in criminal justice and was genuinely on a path toward law enforcement — specifically hunting serial killers. She abandoned the career only when she discovered she disliked guns, having assumed like Columbo that you could do the job unarmed. The pivot to comedy was, in her words, the only logical next step.
2
Never meet the person on your phone wallpaper Leslie kept a screenshot of Dylan O'Brien from a spy film as her phone wallpaper for three years, calling him her pretend husband. When they finally met at a Knicks game, he was shorter than her and thoroughly ordinary. The gap between the cinematic version of someone and the actual person is, apparently, always fatal.
3
Reality TV has quietly gone completely sedentary Conan's Love Island observation cuts to something real: the genre that began with Survivor's physical challenges has evolved into shows where beautiful people sit in rooms six feet apart and have 'chats.' Love Island contestants move so little Conan estimates four Fitbit steps a day. The format's success suggests audiences don't want action — they want attractive people doing nothing.